So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
