Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
