I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
