im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
