Betty ford says i'm here all night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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