This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
