I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
