I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
