did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
