How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
