Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
