They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
