im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
