wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
