New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
