No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
