My hand turned me down
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
