I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
