Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's the barista slut.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
