We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
