dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
