Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
