I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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