Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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