im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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