BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
