I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
