the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
