Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
