I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
