What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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