It's like God shit irony all over that family
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
