Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
