Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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