I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
