Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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