ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
