wrigley field is MILF paradise
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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