Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
