she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
