I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
