If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
