Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
