You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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