drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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