You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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