I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
