While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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