So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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