I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
