just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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