It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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