I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
third nipple confirmed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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