Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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