It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
