We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
