I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
