Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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