Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
