I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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