I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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