if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
