My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
