I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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