she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
